Eulogy delivered by Douglas Dame on August 18, 2007 at Green Harbor, Massachusetts.
I would like to thank Carolyn, Blake, Kiera, Leanna, Kaede and Mac, for the honor and privilege of sharing with you this celebration of Jack’s life.
31 years ago this month I met Jack at the Sheraton. He was the food and beverage manager and I was hoping to become his assistant. I was fresh out of college at the time. Well that did happen, and it was the beginning of a wonderful friendship and love that would see us both experience many of what life’s adventures has to offer. It is those adventures that I will cherish for the rest of my life.
My dad reminds me that these are things that no one can ever take from you.
We saw each other marry and we both stood up for each other as best men.
We romped on the beaches of Club Med in Martinique and the pink sands of Bermuda, and like pirates on the Caribbean, we never took prisoners.
We worked together at Headliner’s in New Hampshire. A raucous place famous for up and coming rock and rollers and those stars that were soon to fade into history. There was a lot of fun to be had there, but in retrospect, we probably had way too much fun. Carolyn frequently reminds me of those days.
We worked together at Dame Associates and when Jack left with his family for Cincinnati, my heart had a void, that at the time I thought would never heal but it did.
And the summer vacations here in Green Harbor, where I was always made to feel part of the family was always special. These were always good times, where the Heinekins were cold, the company and companionship great, and the competitive clang of the horseshoes rang out over the beach.
Earlier I mentioned my time together with Jack in Boxborough at the Sheraton.
Someone somewhere once said that “There is a reason for everything”.
Take note of the bright yellow tablecloths covering the tables.
That day when I met jack for the first time he was wearing a yellow suit the same shade as those tablecloths. I was so glad that day that he was not wearing white patent leather shoes.
As the kayak glides out into green harbor, Jack’s remains will forever become a part of Green Harbor- his place, a special place for him that he truly loved not only for himself, but for his family and friends as well. Jack liked to be surrounded by the people that meant the most to him.
Last summer Jack and I were sitting together at the back of the house late in the afternoon. It took me years to figure out that the back of the house was actually the front of the house, but most of you know what I mean. This was my last time to be with Jack. It is a point in time that my heart and memory will embrace for the rest of my life. It was on the porch that jack reached out to me to help him up out of the chair. That was not like Jack, but it did give me a final emotional and physical contact with a man that I truly loved.
So whether you are a wife, child, or a grandchild to be, a sister, a nephew, a niece, a relative, or a friend, remember that he was in part repaid for his kindnesses and caring for his family by passing from this life gently and that only the physical is being carried away in that kayak…he is being carried in our hearts and minds and he will still be available, at least in thought, to each of us forever.
1 comment:
Doug was kind enough to say these words for me at Jack's service:
Jack was never one to talk about feelings and relationships…he just lived his life. To him, actions were more important than words. I was especially sad for the kids on Father’s Day this past year as they did not have a father here anymore and I tried to think of how I would turn the day into something special for them. I wanted to find a card or book that said what I wanted, but of course Hallmark does not have a Father’s Day card about fathers who have passed away. I thought of how I hoped that his children would honor him on Father’s Day by being the kind of person he would be proud of…I wanted them to honor his memory by remembering the good in him and thinking to themselves, “What would Dad do?”
Now, I know better than anyone that Jack was not perfect, but he did have his good points…he was honest…to a fault sometimes. He was fair, authentic, charming, faithful and generous. He was not afraid to take risks. He wanted to do what he loved and he loved being in a restaurant behind the bar or in the kitchen cooking. He was never happier than when he was standing behind the bar talking to his regular customers and making sure they were well taken care of. His employees loved and respected him and his customers thought he was “a great guy.” He could talk to anyone and would argue when he thought it was important or just when he felt like it. He would call people on their behavior when he thought it was wrong and he expected common courtesy at all times. He really listened to you when you talked to him, and he would offer old school, common sense advice. He tried to show people that he loved them by doing nice things for them. Food and beverage was a huge part of the nice things he did for us. He made the best drinks of anyone I have ever known…no one could make a better Cosmopolitan. He was the master of Caesar salads…I watched him make the dressing many times and tried to write down how he made it. To this day I have not found a restaurant that has a better Caesar dressing than the one Jack just put together. His Beef Bourguignon was probably better than Julia Child’s and he loved making chicken potpies. Even though he made a huge mess making his gourmet meals, he would always clean it up. Whenever the kids came home from school and smelled delightful aromas from the kitchen, they always knew Dad was cooking dinner. At the beach, he was always willing to shuck the clams and get out all the yucky stuff for us to enjoy Auntie Betty’s baked stuffed clams…usually with Tony at his side and a few Heinekens. Even though he knew very little about computers, he would sit for hours talking to technical support to get our computer up and running again. He kept the cars running and the oil changed and always shopped for the best deals at the supermarket. He was an amazing negotiator when we needed to buy a car…he would diligently study the Kelly Blue Book and AutoTrader prices…he was ‘armed and dangerous’ when we finally would go to the car dealerships…it was almost embarrassing to hear him haggle with the car salesman…and he was successful each time. He drove Kaede and her friends to school everyday for several years at 6:30 in the morning and drove everyone to swim team in the summers…at 7:00am. Going to swim meets was not his favorite thing, but he was so proud of the kids doing well there. He loved to read good books, watch Jeopardy and read the newspaper…always looking for editorial mistakes in the Cincinnati Enquirer. He would apologize when he was wrong. He never said a bad word about his first wife…ever… and he regretted the time he lost with Keira and Blake, even though he may have never told them. He was always good to our pets and would go to the barn and feed the horses even though he really was not very self-confident about it. He would clean out the stalls when I was too sick to do it myself, even though he did not like the smell of the horses like I did. He had a sense of humor even when things were not so humorous. And there have been plenty of times when our life was not so humorous. He was proud that he was in the Army. He was so appreciative of Uncle Doc and Auntie Betty for taking him in when he was a teenager…he thought of Laney and Barbara and Tony as his little brother and sisters…he respected Sam and Corinne…he loved Mimi…he grew to love my mother’s shuck beans and Montgomery Inn ribs…he thought Tess and Jesse were great kids…and he loved Green Harbor. When we moved so far inland, the one thing he made me promise is that I would not bury him in Cincinnati…the only good thing about Cincinnati was that his sister, Pucky (aka Beverly) and her family lived there. Uncle Walter, Pucky, Susan, Elaina, Jim and Ainsley came to visit him often those last few months. I know he appreciated that.
He loved the ocean, the salty air and the fried clams at the beach. He would always crack the lobsters for me and offer me one of his knuckles. He tried his best to catch a fish the last few years…he was convinced if he had a boat and fish finder he could catch the big one…but that never happened. He would always say, “Well, there’s always next summer” as we got on the Mass Pike heading home to Cincinnati. I think he felt like somewhat of an outsider in Cincinnati, especially after we sold the restaurant…he was never quite comfortable in the Mid-west. I think he would have preferred to stay in New England, even though toward the end, he just wanted to come home to West Chester, be in his own bed and be in his own house with the kids close by. I wish he could be here now to share this time with everyone here…to have a beer or two…and throw some horseshoes or fly a kite. Today, he has his wish…what’s left of him is to be here in Green Harbor…out in the ocean and here in the sand in a flower garden we will plant this week. We will always think of him when we are here but it just will not be the same without him. Life will never be the same with him gone. We miss him so much now and we always will. . One of my parent’s close friends, Jean Starbuck lost her husband many years ago, wrote to me, “ I want to encourage you to go with your feelings, not suppressing them as they are part of your healing. You will have good days as well as bad ones, but little by little, the good days will increase and the bad ones will gradually lessen. However, you will never forget entirely. The beauty of love is that it lives on in our memories, in our tears and in our hearts” I know I will never forget Jack…I’m sure neither will you. I realize that I’m lucky to have his children close by, as they were a part of him and I hope they will become the best of him. Your presence means so much to me and honors Jack’s memory. Thanks so much for coming to share this day with us.
Post a Comment